A while back, I mentioned how the Cult of Scientology used to do "Free Stress Test" sessions in Glasgow on Saturdays. Amongst the things they handed out when they were around was tabloid sized leaflet which attempts to sell you their Dianetics stuff, which consists of incredibly expensive books, incredibly expensive DVDs and INCREDIBLY expensive auditing sessions.
Also it's part of a cult.
Hit the jump and be prepared for a long one. This is really one for tearing into :D
Okay I admit it. I think this one's kind of cute. It was a freebie last year some time in the Sunday Herald, which in general, and in spite of this, is a pretty good broadsheet, albeit rather old fashioned. So yeah.
All right, I DID have something planned for today, but that's been postponed. I just went and watched Fireproof (a shitty Christian movie about a guy saving his marriage because Jesus) with one of my E-friends, which to our UTTER SHOCK AND SURPRISE turned out to be an incredibly dull movie with terrible writing and awful characters designed to forward the movie's preachy message and plug their Save Your Marriage Because Jesus book first, and function as characters second.
So here's a leaflet on divorce I found on Buchanan street one day.
I can't remember how I got this one. I think it popped up in a phone box or something. The more I do this, the more I grow to really really hate Glasgow's phone boxes. Not so much for the junk I find in them, more for the foul odours. Phone boxes are not urinals you stupid motherfuckers UGH!
There's something strange about moving back to standard tracts after such a ridiculous posting yesterday. I can't help but worry that this blog may have peaked. Indeed, this may lead to the question of....
and by life I mean this blog, I mean I'm not going to end myself OR this blog just because I've blogged the craziest pile of nonsense I have ever seen.
In Part 1, (here if you missed it) we covered the EU being a SEKRIT CATHOLIC CONSPIRIACY and how there is a SEKRIT CATHOLIC CONSPIRIACY to undermime the royal family and how his GREATEST CRIME is making the sabbath a Sunday.
The weirdest however is yet to come. Hit the jump for PART TWO.
I'm serious. There is nothing you can do to prepare for the sheer madness that follows over the next eight pages.
For this faux-newspaper, given to me yesterday by a man on Buchanan Street, and being handed out by at least two others, could be the most bizarre and psychotic piece of work I have covered in the short time I have kept this blog.
Every so often, a Jehovah's Witness pamphlet shows up in a phone booth literally just a couple of minutes from where I live. This is one of them. The front design's a bit unusual for a JW pamphlet. Most of the other ones I've seen have people sitting in fields or sunsets, so the Sci-fi grid is a little bit out of left field.
Oh look, a clever play on spelling to make the tract appeal to the dyslexic enviromentalist. Classy! This one was being handed out one day to students making their way into Paisley University of the West of Scotland.
Another one from Speaker's Corner..... Well, it was closer to Marble Arch, and looks like it'd been stepped on a whole bunch. To be honest I just want the London stuff out of the way so I can focus on the madness closer to home ;)
Hit the jump for the rest...
Oh come on. Is this the best they've got? It's going to take a lot more than underlining random words to get anywhere.
On our last day in London, I decided to pay a brief visit to Speaker's Corner. Speaker's Corner is basically one of the most fucking brilliant ideas ever. Granted, it is something which undoubtedly is largely occupied by preachers, conspiriacy nuts, trolls and general whackjobs, but that's part of the fun of it, and par for the course in the great free exchange of ideas.
When I went, (early afternoon, August 1st) there were four distinct speakers there. One was a Jamaican guy wearing comedy devil horns, telling people to "divorce Jesus." The next was a Muslim stand, but I wasn't able to get close enough to that one in the short time I was there. My dad informs me that he was there later on and some lady started causing drama by yelling at them that all Muslims are terrible people because september 11th etc.
The third guy is where I got this tract, and a couple more from. He was a pretty standard preacher of Turn or Burn Christianity, and seems to have got his tracts from the same source as whoever had left "Are You Saved" in the phonebox the previous night. He had some henchmen with him to hand the tracts out. Finally, there was a guy on a soapbox singing something I couldn't understand. He was wearing a Star Of David tie and trousers with "Jesus Is Lord" written on them. Opposite him were a bunch of signs which I didn't get to read all the way through (Like I said, I was pushed for time and had other stuff I wanted to do) which appeared to be geared towards convincing Jews that Jesus was the messiah this whole time.
But enough talk. There's a tract I'm meant to finish isn't there. Go hit the jump
Following immediately after the brief encounter with the guy in Leicester Square, I found this in a phone box. Made a change from the various escort services advertised in pretty much every goddamn phone box in the city.
Last month, I partook in a family trip to London for a couple days. On our last night there, there was a guy standing on a stool in Leicester Square, yelling at nobody in particular about how they were doomed to hell, and handing out copies of this very tract. Of course, I took one off him. He asked me if I was a Christian, to which I replied in the negative.
The tract itself is classic scare-you-into-converting material. Hit the jump.
Every Sunday at half 2, almost without fail, members of the Zion Baptist Church will make their merry way into the city centre, pull out an amplifier, and politely inform passers by how much better they are than you, while handing out various tracts. Occasionally they'll also show up at art exhibitions and theatre shows and Marilyn Manson gigs, to protest their EVILNESS! They also have Billy Connolly on their shit list.
The rest of the tract follows after the jump as usual, plus a bonus video of ZBC in action.
Today is the third of September, which NATURALLY means it's time to break out the Christmas themed stuff. I found this today in a phone box on Sauchiehall Street, along with a bunch of other tracts. Even supermarkets usually have the decency to wait until October.
One day, just a block away from Central Station, there was a guy with messy hair wearing a sandwich board saying "PREPARE TO MEET THY GOD" on it, handing out tracts. He was like the ultimate in the whole "THE END IS NIGH" stereotype. I couldn't NOT take a tract off him.