Cheap Printout

Found in a phonebox on Sauchiehall street.

No jump today. There was nothing printed on the back. I find it weird that these guys have printed their own, better quality tracts, and have their own timeslot on a televangelism channel, but still managed to print something this cheap and half-assed.

The text itself is pretty standard fare, and there's nothing particularly weird to comment on, although interestingly it looks like it's attempting to feed on social insecurity instead of fear of torture. Not that that's any less cheap a shot or anything.

Awesome Judgement in the New Futuristic Kindom (sic)

I can't remember exactly how I came across this one. Judging from the water damage to it, it must have been on a wet bench or something. That's the thing about Glasgow. You leave this stuff out in the open the chances are the rain'll get to it before the target audience does.

Hit the jump for the inside

One aimed directly at Scotland

This is quite an old one. Found it on Buchanan Street. We've seen fearmongering, we've seen dodgy science, and now we have Plan C - a badly implemented combination of religion and patriotism. Yay Jesuz! All we need now is a re-enactment of the Last Supper with the bread and wine replaced with Haggis and Buckfast.

Actually, now that I think about it, Haggis would actually make a good Last Supper substitute if you REALLY wanted to take the whole Lamb of God angle literally. "This is my body. Heart, lungs, liver, stomach and all."

Communion might get a bit awkward though.

But I digress. Hit the jump for the tract.

RTAP Lives

Sorry for the unannounced pause in content. I needed a week off. I'll give some forewarning if I ever do that again. Have a new background image to make up for it :3

Back to it then.

This one was found last Saturday on Sauchiehall Street. It was being handed out by a group of preachers standing in front of a "JESUS IS LORD" banner with a cross made of bible verses printed on it. Not that they're over the top or anything.

Kinda tired today

So here's a thouroughly uninteresting one I picked up in a phone box on Gordon Street last year. Nothing really to comment on here, it's just a bunch of water themed bible verses clustered together...

Hey it's that guy again

 So, Winners' Convention eh? That makes it the opposite of <insert name of some nerdy convention here> lol i am comedic genis!

Found this one on Buchanan Street a few weeks ago, and would have probably missed it entirely if I hadn't seen this guy a couple of times before. At the very least he seems to have hired someone to make cards that don't make your eyes bleed.

Ron Weasley Died For Your Sins

Fair warning: Lots of tl;dr gabbing ahead.

Now this one might be interesting since I have actually had actual run ins with these actual guys actually. Destiny Church is just down the road from my old school. They would do services for Christmas and Easter and a whole bunch of us would go. I think we were about 60/40 between people who were there to skip class, and people who were there out of actual religious conviction......actually, the class that was on at the same time was Accounting and Finance. Make that 80/20.

You know what, I'm going to put the jump here.

More dreadful poetry

 Another old one. I don't actually remember where I came across this one. There's no stamp on the back, which is the usual indicator that I got it from the guys who pop up on Argyle Street on Sundays, but I've seen these kinds crop up other places as well.

what *about* it?

 Another one from the open air stand a couple months back. Hit the jump for the inside

Crucifying a guy outside Forbidden Planet

Back when I started collecting tracts, this was one I would find quite often. It's a plug for what I guess is a relatively new-ish church. Its members pop up every so often in the city centre to preach to folks, always handing out the same one or two tracts each time. On one occasion, they even staged a crucifixion re-enactment in the middle of Buchanan Street. I found the video and it's just past the jump.

also lol papyrus font.

I think Jesus is stalking me...

So I keep finding these creepy letters in the phone boxes I pass, and this is one I got today. Is this something I should be concerned about? Someone is clearly trying to get my attention and they're being incredibly weird about it. Like one minute he's trying to push his sick, creepy, twisted idea of love at me, like how he is watching me everywhere I go even when I sleep, the next he's leaving me all these OTHER letters threatning to burn me alive if I don't return his love.

I'm starting to think I should go to the police and file a restraining order.

Prior knowledge is assumed

Found today in a phone box opposite the Next on Argyle Street. There was another much worse one in the booth next to it, but that one's for another day. I really don't have it in me today for anything too rage-inducing.

Hit the jump for the back

OMIGOD IT'S JACK CHICK!

 So I was in town with some peeps today, and at about 1 o-clockish on Buchanan Street, we saw a guy with ridiculous hair and beard wielding a sign reading "For what profit a man should he gain the whole world but lose his own soul." Seeing that he was handing out tracts, my first instinct of BACK AWAY FROM THE CRAZY ended up being overridden by my blog-updating urge to go up and ask for one, after I looked at it for about half a second before I couldn't contain myself and found myself yelling "OH MY GOD IT'S JACK CHICK" incredibly loudly.
Slight overreaction I admit, but holy fuck damn it's a fucking Chick Tract I LOVE these things. They are like beautiful little pocket train wrecks of theology. Okay okay I know I covered one of these before at the very start of this blog, but this is TOTALLY different. For starters I'm going to cover the whole thing rather than just highlights, and two it's not a soggy copy which has been penned on.

SO we have some proper Chick coverage today folks. JUMP AWAAAAYYYY!

Bible verse spam attack.

Found in a phone box in Argyle Street. Yet another one from the Evangelical Tract Association.

Hit the jump for the back

You too can shave and not wear a hat with the help of Jesus

This was being handed out by some preachers on Sauchiehall Street last month.

Before, he had a hat, beard, and shades, and now he has a terrible haircut and vacant stare. TRULY this is a miracle.

One for the kids

Found this one on Saturday on the ground on Gordon Street. Unfortunately it was too soggy to open and I just binned it. By sheer luck, divine providence, or the fact that the same people had hit a few phone boxes that day, I found it in a different phonebox on the way to work the next morning.

Hit the jump for the inside. I think it's probably important to note at this point that this tract was WRITTEN FOR CHILDREN!

A quick breather.

This is a handwritten postcard to you. Yup. That's right. You're special enough a friend to warrant a font that's meant to resemble handwriting. Seriously either type it using a typey font or actually write it by hand and photocopy it a bunch, but "handwriting" fonts invariably look lame.

But hey at least it's not Comic Sans.

or Papyrus.

Hit the jump for the inside.

The Name - a horribly painfully obvious con trick.

This was found today in a phonebox on Argyle StreePAPYRUS FONT! OH FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T USE THAT!
This booklet promotes an upcoming series of things by the Universal Church of the Kingdom of God. I went into this one expecting plenty of dumbness, but upon further investigation of the church and people behind it, I think it's safe to say we have a cult on our hands......like, moreso than usual. We're off and in the deep end as far as OBVIOUS CON TRICKS are concerned here.

Go jump, and prepare for a booklet sized deal this time.

No Pastafarianism?

Another old one. Found on the ground on Sauchiehall street ages ago.

For some reason on the list, Islam gets mentioned three times and Judaism is missed out entirely. I like how Scientology gets a cameo as well.

Ehhhh. Hit the jump.