Wednesday, 29 September 2010

So who here likes crosswords? Also Scientology.

A while back, I mentioned how the Cult of Scientology used to do "Free Stress Test" sessions in Glasgow on Saturdays. Amongst the things they handed out when they were around was tabloid sized leaflet which attempts to sell you their Dianetics stuff, which consists of incredibly expensive books, incredibly expensive DVDs and INCREDIBLY expensive auditing sessions.

Also it's part of a cult.

Hit the jump and be prepared for a long one. This is really one for tearing into  :D

Oh yes. The human mind being a clusterfuck of brainwashed souls all stuck in a single body having been totally disorientated by "Supreme Rulah" Xenu and his fleet of DC-8s sticking them in volcanoes and nuking the fuck out of them? TOTALLY has scientific basis.
The idea that the way your brain works can be explained on a physical biological level? Nope. That's just silly.

As usual, you can click the images for full size, if you're one of those weird people who likes being able to READ text. Highlights follow, but still, you like context, right?

No mention of course to the fact that your Friendly Auditor uses the E-Meter as a way of specifically probing for information you are uncomfortable giving. They keep notes of this stuff, which makes it nice and easy to blackmail you or use your "confessions" as ad hominem attacks against you should you do something really dumb like decide you don't want to give them all your money and leave the cult or something.

Alternate interpretation: Billy Sheehan gradually got better and more confident at his bass playing through incredible amounts of practice until he got to the point where he was FUCKING AWESOME AT PLAYING BASS NO SERIOUSLY CHECK HIS STUFF OUT. Aaand Dianetics and Scientology got the credit because he was doing that shite at the same time I guess. 

Wait a minute. Wasn't this the plot for Fireproof? Hell yes it was. If you just replace the bullshit Save Your Marriage With Jesus book that film was plugging with Dianetics, you have this testimony.

I hope that you're noting the other transparent advertising tricks at play here. Absolutely no attempt is made at explaining what it is that Dianetics actually IS, how it works, or exactly which orifice L.Ron Hubbard pulled this Reactive Mind thing from (it looks like it's just a bastardisation of a bunch of theories related to repressed memories which they've added their own bullshit to so they can copyright it)
All it really is is a bunch of "Here is some scary bullshit which our bullshit allegedly fixes[citation needed]."

Basically it's an infomercial. Or a tract.

Well in this case, it's really both.
Wow. You can really SEE the quality in L.Ron Hubbard's writing here. It's like he can't help but make his stuff sound like cheap pulp fiction.... force of habit I guess. Isn't Dianetics meant to help with those?


As a bonus, I've done the crossword for you. I've even given you the shaded box word for those who are really lazy but REALLY want to win their own Introductory Dianetics Session. Click here for the solution.

You shouldn't really need the solution image though. This is an incredibly easy crossword and this is coming from a guy who sucks at crosswords.

I've been waiting for a good opportunity to post this one for a while now, so why today? WELL, the BBC yesterday aired a most excellent documentary on the cult. It's worth checking it out. If you're in Britain, it should be availiable on the iplayer here for the next week or so. If not, there's a version on Youtube right now and I'm sure there'll be plenty of mirrors forever.

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