OMIGOD IT'S JACK CHICK!

 So I was in town with some peeps today, and at about 1 o-clockish on Buchanan Street, we saw a guy with ridiculous hair and beard wielding a sign reading "For what profit a man should he gain the whole world but lose his own soul." Seeing that he was handing out tracts, my first instinct of BACK AWAY FROM THE CRAZY ended up being overridden by my blog-updating urge to go up and ask for one, after I looked at it for about half a second before I couldn't contain myself and found myself yelling "OH MY GOD IT'S JACK CHICK" incredibly loudly.
Slight overreaction I admit, but holy fuck damn it's a fucking Chick Tract I LOVE these things. They are like beautiful little pocket train wrecks of theology. Okay okay I know I covered one of these before at the very start of this blog, but this is TOTALLY different. For starters I'm going to cover the whole thing rather than just highlights, and two it's not a soggy copy which has been penned on.

SO we have some proper Chick coverage today folks. JUMP AWAAAAYYYY!

 So our hero is punched in the back by Death, and then he is brought back to life, at which point he immediately bangs his head on his own headstone. Sucks to be him

For those not in the know, this is a retool of This Was Your Life, Jack Chick's most popular tract according to his site. Basically, it is "adapted for black audiences" and redrawn by Jack's co-artist Fred Carter. Fred's style attempts to be more realistic than Jack's cartoony style, and he seems to go for fancy angles more which only serves to make it more obvious when he fucks up perspectives and poses.

IT'S FACELESS GOD :D

Having him just yell NEXT! to everyone on the Day of Judgement just makes him look like the most astronomically beurocratic git ever, especially if he's just finished having a guy chucked into Hell.

 Look - that's me as a baby vibrating like crazy next to a cartoon drum.

 I think half of his floating heads are yelling or glaring at each other here. Look at that look Unmerciful is giving to Pride.

Oh, and please stop drawing the naked fat guy. Nobody wants to see that.

Wait. What was the guy even DOING in the church in the first place? He is obviously not interested in the message and would rather be watching the game. He doesn't seem to be with anyone, so why even bother?

I wonder what happens if one John Smith gets his name in the Book of Life. Does that mean everyone else with the same name is sorted?

Also, there are times when texture crosshatching just isn't appropriate. The entrance to Hell looks like it is made of straw.

 OOOHHH! Thrown crotch first into Hell. That's GOT to hurt.

 Of COURSE I believe the bible. It's not like I need actual evidence beyond being yelled at in a church or anything. Funny how post-conversion, we're given a montage of him doing nice things like tending to a sick guy and wearing a hard hat when the tract has already mentioned that none of that stuff matters for shit anyways.

Aaaand that's the end. All in all, this is one of Jack's less offensive tracts. He's got ones out there promoting batfuck insane stuff like how Harry Potter fans and Dungeons & Dragons players become WITCHES IN REAL LIFE, the Pope is the antichrist and any bibles besides the Ye Olde English spectacular that is the King James version is in fact written by the devil actually. You got off lightly this time.

Hm. No church stamp or anything once again. I guess "Compliments of: Crazy Sign Guy" doesn't slide so well.